This morning my peaceful sleep was disrupted by a sound. A sound that made my sepet eyes wide open while my heart beat faster than ever. The siren of ambulance.
Every time I hear that sound, a cold, creepy feeling will creep in, especially now when Ros Kamal is here for his holiday.
I have written an entry about this in 2004, but somehow the siren sound made me write it again. For the sake of remembering it.
Five years ago somewhere in September something shitty happened to me, which somehow dragged my entire family along. That time, there was this black cloud all around us leaving everybody in grim especially me. I was not only feeling gloomy but my feeling that time was beyond words.
In order to cheer me up, a friend invited me to a party, a pool party if I am not mistaken. Hmm that time I was still a party girl, if I could, I‘d go partying everyday hehe. Initially I wanted to go but after another shitty row my mood went disappearing. I remember being so upset and I guess it shows. Ayah, being the ayah he is, tried to cheer me up by ordering pizza. Oh he knew how I love pizza that time.
But I was being an ungrateful daughter; I was too caught up with my own emotion that I forgot to appreciate those who love me the most. Instead of joining him and laughed over a tin of coke while watching tv, I left all the pizza alone to him and went upstairs. Half cursing half, wondering why all the shitty stuff happened to me. Not too long after that I fall asleep.
I thought it was already morning and it’s time for me to get ready for work when I heard my mom’s voice waking me up.
“Bangun!”
Oh my. I don’t feel like working.
“Na, bangun. Cepat! Hantar ayah pergi hospital, he can’t breathe!”
Like a spring I rose up and get ready. When I reached down, I saw emak was ready to drive my car since my car was blocking hers. My car was using manual transmission and emak can’t drive manual. Maybe she was thinking, ah sod off with that girl, if she doesn’t want to wake up, I’ll drive instead! In the end, I drove the car to Selangor Medical Center, that time DEMC was not there yet. Come to think of it, what will happen if I went to that party? It was 3 a.m in the morning and my brother was not at home.
Ayah was rushed to the emergency room and the doctor told emak that his heartbeat was next to nothing. I thought I would go panic and menggelupur but instead I was very calm. My mind was focused to save ayah. I did most of the talking because emak was.. well panicked I guess. I was stressed, yes. Especially when SMC told us that we had to deposit RM 3.5K before they can let ayah to be admitted. That time the ATM machines closed their operation after 12 a.m and emak only had RM 2K with her. I had not credit card [ I never had one] and neither was emak. So I explained our situation to the receptionist, we do have the money but not at that moment considering all the money was in the bank and as a human I expect she would understand. Shockingly she picked up the phone and said this to me
“Kalau macam tu, saya telefon ambulance untuk bawak pesakit ke Hospital Klang”
WTF?
There was my dad lying with his heartbeat next to nothing and you are telling me I should go all the way to Klang?
Emak was still trying to be civilized but I can’t hold it anymore.
“Baik awak admit ayah saya sekarang. Kalau tak, I will write about this incident in the newspaper!”. I was half yelling this time.
Sometimes you have to be harsh to get what you want. When I look back, I don’t know where did I find the courage to sustain in that kind of situation when theoretically I would broke down and wept.
So my dad was rushed to CCU was detained for a week for having a heart attack. They had to use the defibrillator to bring back his heartbeat [1.The defibrillator is the device used in movies and TV shows such ER and Grey’s Anatomy]. I skipped work that day but my dad had to skip his Dubai job. He was scheduled to go to Dubai the next Friday [this happened on Wednesday].
I couldn’t sleep and stayed up with emak. I have never been so scared in my life and I have never felt so guilty. I blamed my self for what happened to my dad. I should have control my emotion, I should have eaten the pizza with him. I should have not made him worry too much.
Because of my selfishness, I nearly lose my father. I don’t know how could I forgive myself if he didn’t survive that night.
He is ok now despite having heartache every now and then but he had to depend to his medication for the rest of his life.
Yes. It has been 5 years but every time I hear emergency siren like what happened this morning, the scariness creeps again.
I never want to go through that experience again.
