family


Who’s on your mind.

by chics on Thursday, 26 January 2012 - 12 pm · 2 comments

in family,mellow,Pets,sadness

Who do you think of before you doze off to sleep at night?

For me, I will think of Ah Beng.

 

Every night while cuddling the pillow I will feel how empty the bed is, the room seems so quiet too.

I really miss his hind legs pushing me to give him more space, I miss him snuggling up to me.

How can I not miss someone who is so loyal to me? He also returned my love the way I loved him, without judging, without scrutinising my weaknesses. He made me feel loved, worthy and needed. Sometimes I think he loves me more than I love myself.

It’s true that I have two adorable kittens now but they are not the same, maybe because they are still too small to share the bond that I have with Ah Beng.

You know, I miss him so much that every night without fail, I will call out his name. I do not know where do animals go after they die but if they linger around and visit their old friend once in a while, I want him to know I really miss him and he is always on my mind.

It has been months since he was gone but it still hurts so much. There are times when I can’t still accept the fact that he is no longer with me. When I smoke at my favourite spot, I sometimes expect him to jump over and accompany me with his beautiful eyes looking at me.

When he died, I keep saying to Swirly

” I want him back”

 

But then I realised, he was never really ours. We were given the opportunity to be with him only for a while and when it’s time, he has to be returned back to his owner, the Almighty.

It is shameful to beg for something which is not yours – that’s what I keep telling myself every time I break into tears and wishing he’s with me.

He’s gone, I know but it will take me sometimes to get over this.

 

Even after that, he will always be on my mind wherever I go.

1 Star (1 vote[s])
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2 comments



Lepak atas tilam panas dalam ekon.

by chics on Wednesday, 25 January 2012 - 2 pm · 3 comments

in family

How was your long holiday?

I spent mine with emak, I sleep over for two nights.

Bayar balik segala gossip yang tertinggal hehe.

It was weird for emak somehow, she keep asking me kenapa nak tidur sini, selalu tu mak ajak balik bukan main susah, busy memanjang.

Betul, kadang-kadang aku busy but actually it was more to permasaalahan jiwa. That time I avoid spending the night at emak’s place because I didn’t want her to know what’s going on and I felt more comfortable to be own my own.

 

I still enjoy my own company but it was nice spending time with her. Berbaring di atas katil dengan MJ sambil mengeji drama pilihan emak haha.

Ada satu drama tu, cerekarama kot, hero dia konon mat salleh tapi muka ala-ala Pakistan. Dahla kayu. Ceh

 

Pergi makan sama-sama dan sambil makan mengeji diri masing-masing sebab makan banyak-macamana nak kurus ni tapi sambil tu mintak nasi tambah. Haha

Dan dah besar ni, macam-macam yang emak cerita. Kadang-kadang aku tak percaya she can tell me all those things.

 

Sungguh bahagia rasanya dan untuk kali ke entah berapa aku bertanya diri sendiri, apa yang aku selalu rasa liat nak balik?

Setan, setan. Bilalah kau nak keluar spenuhnya dalam badan aku ni?

 

Salah sendiri, tapi tak nak ngaku salahkan setan.

Heh

 

1 Star (3 vote[s])
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3 comments



Cair lembik

by chics on Wednesday, 18 January 2012 - 8 am · 2 comments

in family,Pets

Right now the kittens are sleeping next to me on my bed. Initially I out them in their bed but they cried for me to carry them to my bed. But I will put them back, takut aku terhempap diorang malam karang pulak.

I am so thankful that I listen to my husband, dr and teteks to adopt new kittens. At first I didn’t want to because I couldn’t take another heartbreak if something bad happen to them.

But now, I am glad.

Although they need to fed every 3-4 hours and they messed up my room by playing with everything and running like mad but having to see them play and the way they look forward to see me every time I walked into the room is beyond words.

Hati aku cair lembik lembik tau tak?

 

Lagi bertambah cair when they climbed up to me and sleep on my pangkuan.

 

I will be out of town soon and their will be taken care by my mum tapi aku sedikit gelisah. What is they don’t recognise me anymore after I get back?

 

I wonder if they will miss me.

 

I told Tinah, my problem is I crave for love and affection. These two kittens somehow berjaya memenuhi sebahagian daripada craving itu.

They also make me feel needed.

 

I really hope God will give them a very long time to spend with me because I promise I will take care and love them unconditionally.

1 Star (6 vote[s])
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2 comments





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