*Note: This is a long entry. I was feeling emotional
Last night while I was lying in the dark, I counted my blessing. Although I was alone but I considered myself lucky because I am still sorrounded by love.
Many people tought that they are unlucky in love but actually they are sorrounded by love yang tidak mereka sedari atau nampak. Instead they keep chasing for love yang agak samar-samar kebahagiaannya.
While lying in the dark I remembered two stories that made me believe, cinta itu datang dalam pelbagai bentuk dan yang pastinya cinta sejati adalah cinta yang tak berbelah bahagi.
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Cerita 1
She met him when she was still 18 years old. They fall in love and got married, blessed with a daughter and still living together after 15 years knowing each other.
Growing in a broken family she had always being caught up in the middle. She said
“I never really believe that somebody would love me”
So when she met her husband, she thought he was everything. He did everything for her, he loved her, made her feel she is worth to be love.
He was the center of her universe.
Until she found out he had been cheating on her , not once but thrice. The latest was last year.
Rasanya dunia dia macam nak terbalik, for months dia sakit, bukan sakit physically tapi emotionally. She started to neglect everything including her daughter. Selalunya ank dialah yang jadi mangsa.
Not that she doesn’t love them, dia sayang tapi masa tu dia rasa diri dia sakit sangat, tak boleh fikir apa lagi, yang dia rasa cuma sakit.
As the only daughter, she had to provide for her parents – both emak and ayah. One day the father called, instead of listening to him she went..well termarah ayah dia because to her the father macam, bila nak something baru nak call. Kalau tak, tak peduli pon.
The father did not say anything instead he smsed saying
“Ayah sayang [her name]. Sayang sangat. I hope you know that”
The next day she called but the father did not answer, feeling tak sedap hati she drove all the way back to the kampung only to find the father berzikir atas sejadah with raging temperature. Feeling so scared dan rasa bersalah so she asked for forgiveness.
The father said
“[her name] tak pernah ada apa-apa salah pada ayah. Ayah sayang [her name]“
How could someone yang baru dia marah said that?
His health deteriorated, he was immediately brought to he hospital.
He died two days later.
At that moment dia macam tersentak, macam ada somebody tampar muka dia. Selama ini dia kejar cinta yang cintanya tak sebesar mana, tapi dalam pada tu she didn’t realise she was actually surrounded by love, a big one from someone who she called ayah.
Sayangnya dia tak sedar.
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Cerita 2
This is not the same person but she is also a girl lah.
After few disastrous relationships, she thought she found the perfect man. Least that she know the feeling was not mutual.
Her world collapsed one day when he told her they need to stop seeing each other.
She was devastated, to her he is the only person who could make her happy, he always did. He is the only one who understood her.
She tried to face the fact but she was not a strong person. Makin lama she found her courage makin menipis. She couldn’t even bear to face the world anymore.
She could not feel anything, just pain and pain and pain.
Tak ada lagi excitement aku dalam hidup she thought. Maybe if I die, people will be happier, birds will sing merried. She thought. A stupid thought indeed.
So she made her plan. The first step is to tell those who matter that she was sorry and she loved them, so very fucking much.
As she lie down on the bed waiting for the right time, a soul came in to her room and hugged her
“What are you doing? Why are you doing this? You had only loved him for a year but I have been loving you your whole life. Please do not take away that love.”
In her cry, the soul continues
” What am I going to do when you are gone?”
The word was sure pure, so genuine. Those words came out from a soul that she called emak.
Right there on her bed she realised how stupid she was, for chasing a love which was unsurely pure and neglecting one true love yang sudah pasti tidak boleh di tukar ganti.
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Kadang-kadang we envy other people’s happiness,we feel that we are not loved enough. Tapi before we accused ourselves for being unlucky dan tidak disayangi perhaps we might want to look around and open our heart untuk cinta dan kasih sayang yang kita terlepas rasa.
