I can feel that I am getting better.
I can ‘feel’ again.
The other day, I getting out of the parking and saw a car broke down, an old car with an old couple and a lady. The car broke right in front of the entrance of the parking.
I saw the uncle was sweating trying to fix and move the car under the hot sun. He looked panic and trying his hard.
My feeling? Sad and disturbed.
The sick me will not feel this, I mean logically I will feel sad but I feel or think about it in my mind. Yet, that day it felt like something was stabbing my heart, I can feel it ache – just like the old times.
Although I have to say, it was not as intense as last time but I felt it.
If this is what I am going to feel when I finally get better, maybe I do not want to get better.
I do not want to feel that feeling – aching heart.
Because what I felt that day reminded me of my dark times, how the flesh inside feel like rupturing.
I don’t know, I want to get better for my loved ones and for myself.
But can I ever life with that feeling?
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