Not that anyone care but I want to write on my progress.
I am feeling much better from what I felt 2 months ago. There are still dark days for me but it was not as bad as before.
At least now I can say my baking schedule is back to normal [although I have to say I am pushing myself a little bit] and I have no problem getting out of bed.
Sleeping is still a problem, I am now still on stilnox but no more experiencing hallucination.
But.
I am still not ready to meet anyone [other than the usual people that I am currently meeting]. And I am still not in the mood to reply emails and comments, but I do read them and I thank you for writing them. Thank you for helping me :)
I am not sure myself when will I be ready, I won’t rush it though.
I get panic and anxious over small things – traffic jam, being late, crowds. I mean not that I used to love them but it was tolerable but now I will get this panic attack attack that will cause me to suffocate and vomit.
Believe it or not, I vomited during the SEA games footbal final. Oh yes, I did, several time.
Swirly tuduh aku jadi macam ni sebab dulu aku selalu muntah lepas makan. Bukan tak sengaja tapi aku sengaja muntahkan balik supaya tak gemuk. Tapi aku rasa bukan sebab tu, sebabnya adalah terlalu panic dan anxious sampai muntah okk.
I also realised that I am losing my patience easily. I used to avoid arguments but now, there’s like fire raging. But then, what’s new? I used to be like that when I was younger hehe.
Oh my God, this entry is getting boring.
Suicidal thoughts? Once in a blue moon – good progress
Tendency to cut myself? Sometimes – but I managed to avoid doing it.
Ugh, who the fuck cares.
Ok, let’s go outside and smoke.
You have a lighter?
