Aku ni memanglah menggelupur, I think those who are close to me knew that.
I thought di saat-saat genting I can bring myself to drop my kegelupuran tetapi tidak. Tetap jugagelupur.
These happened during the peak of my ilness.
One
It was the first time that I saw my psychiatrist. I was telling him about my feeling when I started crying.
Bila tengok aku nangis, Dr tu cepat-cepat bangun dan capai tissue dari tissue diespenser dia. Tissue tu macam jenis tissue toilet.
He handed me the tissue.
Aku pandang tissue tu dan aku berkerut, sambil menangis ni, and I thought.
“Oh my God, that is NOT Kleenex!”
Lalu I said, it’s ok Dr., I brought my own sambil mengambil sepeket kleenex dari dalam bag.
Muka Dr. itu adalah pricess.
Macam WTFFFFFFFFF? Kau tu dahla sakit, sempat lagi nak memilih!
I mean, whattahel is wrong with meeeeeeeee? Kau jangan saiko boleh tak? Boleh tak fokus pada masalah kau dan kebaikan Dr. itu dari memikirkan hal bongok seperti jenis tissue?
Bangang, I know. But what to do, that’s me.
Two
Masa dekat hospital, I was also diagnosed with my stomach problem. Due to lack of eating and nutrients, perut aku bermasalah. I thought it was not that bad but my other Dr. didn’t think so.
Dia concern pasal dah berapa hari aku tak berak. Boleh?
So he prescribed me pills and laxative. Mild katanya.
Walaupun mild, tetapppppp nak buat aku terkincit tiba-tiba.
I was on drugs that time and after few days, the hospital telah letakkan bars dekat tepi katil aku, everytime nak guna toilet I have to press the button to call the nurse.
Bayangkan azabnya aku nak menahan kincit dalam keadaan high sambil menunggu nurse datang. Ini bukan berak keras boleh tahan.
Dahla high, macamana nak kemut kuat-kuat.
Saiko okkkkkkkkk.
So after 2 days taking it, I told the nurse I don’t want to take the laxative.
When she asked why, I answered
“Saya tak nak berak dalam seluar!”
WTFFFFFFFFFFF.
Bila aku ingat balik terasa sungguh memalukan.
But then again, aku memang suka memalukan diri.
Bilakah agaknya aku akan menjadi compose dan cool?
Haihhhhh.
