Yesterday I lost my wonderful cat, my companion, my family member, Ah Beng.
It was dusk and we were ready to go out for dinner and later futsal. I went outside to open the gate and saw him lying on the road.
He looked like he was lazying down, enjoying himself. He always does this.
I called his name but he didn’t move.
I called him again to come in but he still didn’t move.
“Why is he not moving, yang?”
I asked Swirly but deep down inside my heart was already covered with fear.
Swirly moved towards the gate
“Oh no!”
I called him again waiting for him to rolled over and show his lovely face to me but that did not happen.
He just lay there.
I collapsed into tears. It felt like I’ve just been shot and I was severely wounded.
I’VE LOST HIM.
He, the one who always raced me to get the best spot on my bed. The one who always push me while we were sleeping so he can get more space. The one who will follow me everywhere I go – to the toilet, baking room, kitchen. Everywhere.
Whenever I am feeling lonely and lost, Ah Beng will be the one who will keep my spirit up. His purr and nuzzle keeps me warm during my gloomy days.
He always know how to warm my lonely heart.
I couldn’t bare to go near him yesterday. I couldn’t bare seeing any trace of blood on my baby.
While I continue sobbing on the couch, swirly fetched a box and put him inside it. He covered Ah Beng’s face and asked me whether I want to manja Ah Bneg for the last time.
His body was still warm. I place my hand along his body and feel the soft silky fur under my skin. They are so beautiful, he is so beautiful.
I kissed his tummy, it still smell lemak, like always.
This can’t be true, Ah Beng cannot be gone!
Why would something so lovely, so loving like him have to die?
I hold on to him tightly and try to wake him up, he had to wake up. He cannot leave me alone like this. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.
Wake up sayang, wake up. Let’s snuggle on the bed and I will let you lick my hand until I fall asleep.
But swirly already hugged me tightly and ushered me inside the house.
He hugged me while I cried on the sofa. Suddenly I don’t feel hungry anymore but swirly made me eat a piece of bread.
Took my medicine and sleeping pill and pop into bed.
Yet, even the strong sleeping pill didn’t not succeed in putting me to sleep.
I felt lost, angry and in denial.
He was more than a cat. He was kind, loving and compassionate more then some human who I know.
He was my strenght to live my lonely life.
And now I’ve lost him. How am I supposed to go through my days without him around?
How is that possible?
How can I not miss you?
I know he’s in heaven now.
I have no regrets. I did my best with him.
We did our best.
He had one of the best food, always loved and manja.
He was like the baby that I never had.
I think he lived a very happy life.
He was buried wrapped in our pillowcase, the one with two big hearts on it. He is now resting on my parents garden – blooming with roses.
I hope he is happy there. He will always be near me, in the same ground that I always walk.
Dear Ah Beng,
Although kakak miss you so much but I am so thankful that you came into my life. You are a wonderful companion anyone could ask.
Kakak and abang promise to do good things so we can see you again in heaven.
Wait for us. We'll so you again someday
So long my sayang.
Kakak will always love you.
