December 2011

Dari satu cerita ke cerita lain.

by chics on Saturday, 31 December 2011 - 11 pm · 2 comments

I was smiling all the way while buying stuff at tesco just now.

Soon, the school will start, I could see that from the number of parents along with their kids buying school supply.

A girl was trying to fish her mom to buy her a box of cute pencils and that made me smile. I used to want those things, you know the pencil box yang boleh tekan-tekan keluar compartment tu? Getah pemadam warna warni bentuk strawberry dan buah yang berbau wangi? That sort of things.

I was never invited to join the buying school session staff by my parents, not only until darjah 4 ke 5 macam tu. Usually my mum will buy everything for us.

And of course, no such things as pensel bunga-bunga nor getah pemadam gambar strawberry. It was all boring steadler pencils, rubber and such. Boring ok.

And then awas kalau hilang, emak will do inspection almost every night to check ada lagi ke dah hilang stationaries yang dia beli, kalau hilang, siappp!

Because of that, I am a bit terencat when I see cute stationaries.

When I was in maldives, I met swirly’s colleague who also love stationaries. We would go to this one stationary shop and look around ooh and ahhh, macam sakai.

And I also saw a boy merajuk tak dapat kasut yang dia nak.

Ah zaman silam.

Tapi ada bagusnya mak aku buat macam tu, she taught us that you cannot get everything. Masa kecik aku selalu tak paham kenapa mak aku strict sangat banyak benda tak boleh. I never even had any barbie doll and such, only books.

Benci ok tengok budak-budak main barbie dolls, lepas exam week.

Masa sekolah asrama, we always wrote to each other, mak akan hantar balik surat yang aku hantar sambil mark dengan pen merah – grammar mistakes.

Lepas tu siap belikan aku buku grammar.

Tapiiiiiiiii ternyata dia gagal sebab sampai sekarang grammar aku tunggang langgang. Hmm mungkin mak patut belikan aku buku spelling jugak.

Mak belajar taklah tinggi but she did try her best to give us the best education.

I know she is frustrated with me, ada master tapi jual kek but she played along because she just want me to be happy.

Walaupun aku selalu cakap,aku tak nak jadi macam emak [kuat menaga, bla..bla..] tapi kalau menjadi seorang EMAK, aku memang nak jadi macam emak.

2 comments

Depression update that might be depressing. Heh

by chics on Friday, 30 December 2011 - 9 pm · 3 comments

in deep thinking

I am feeling great since the last update. Didn’t feel a single sadness, just a little bit neausea.

The sleeping problem is still there though. The dr provided me with a new sleeping pills but it didn’t suits me, I still prefer stilnox.

I am still having anxiety and panic attack though.

And I notice, I began to be more forgetful than before.

Sometimes when I am driving, I will feel blank and panic because I don’t know where I was, although it was the same route I took everyday. It was scary.

Not only that, I sometimes even forgot how to drive. I usually drive Swirly’s car, which is a manual car. While driving, I will forgot which pedal to push for stopping or accelerating.

I did asked the doctor how long I should take my meds, he told me the least would be 5 months, and after that he will see my progress.

I am getting better, listening to songs and watching movies that usually brought me to tears are not a problem now.

I beleive everything will be just fine :)

Tagged as: depression

3 comments

Here I come to you with open arms

by chics on Friday, 30 December 2011 - 8 am · 2 comments

in greetings,personal opinion

2011 will be over in few days and I so cannot wait for it to be over.

I thought 2011 will be a good year, well the first half months were not so bad but the remaining was horrendous.

Perhaps I don’t need to elaborate more, we all know what happened [more or less].

But that doesn’t mean I am going to give up hope for the upcoming 2012.

I believe most of my issues [that has been build up for years] were address in the past few months so maybe 2012 will be a great year.

I hope:-

To be more organised – I am such an untidy person and always keep losing my things because I keep misplacing them.

To be more sensitive to the surrounding that I am living in – which includes recycling, eating free range meat, using eco friendly products and not using much plastic bags.

To have babies [or a baby] – doesn’t matter by conceiving or adopting. I even registered myself at baby hatch.
To be honest, I am scared as shit. I mean, I will lose my freedom!