During my last appointment with my doctor he told me not to see any friends, only close friends were allowed. I do not understand this at first but now I could understand his reason.
When I came out with my confession, my intention was to share and let go but sadly to say they are many fucktards out there.
I should have known better.
Do you think I am asking for this to happen to me? Do you think all the money in this world and the ‘happiness’ around me can save me for what I am having now?
Yes, I blog and tell sorts of story but like I said there real story is buried deep inside of me. I am not the kind of person who is comfortable to expose my problems, especially if they are very personal. Well I did that once or few times but it backfired. Instead of getting support I was criticised. Not that I can’t take criticism just that when it came from someone who claimed themselves to be my friends and said it in a very rude and harsh way, well that’s not a friend to me.
Anyway, lesson learned.
Some said their situation is worst than mine and I should be thankful I have all the support around me. Perhaps I should be more grateful for what I have rather than being depress.
I did think of this, maybe I am ungrateful – after all I “have it all”; as they put it.
But then after a series of rethinking, I concluded,
Well fuck you.
I AM grateful.
I still have my faith in God.
I have loving parents.
I have loyal and very supportive close friends.
As well as supportive and kind readers.
I still have a husband who is very patient in taking my depressing and panicky calls.
I am seeking help because I do not want to be ungrateful. I do not want to cause worry to my loved ones.
Now, instead of weeping and pleading to God before going to sleep, I will thank Him for giving me another chance to live and I pray so hard that I will be normal again – so that I won’t be a burden to anyone.
Funny, I am the type of person who doesn’t give a shit about what people say about me [unless they matters to me] but this really ticks me off.
But then again, these people don’t know me and I do not want to know them either.
So, judge as much as you want.
To be fair, they are the minorities. The rest of you people out there are nothing but kind. Believe me, although you might say you can’t help much, you did.
You made me feel I will be ok and everything will be back to normal.
You made me feel loved.
Thank you.
