I wait for you with my new hot body

When I woke up from my evening nap yesterday, I remembered something horrible.

That bedmate has left for other country for months.And I remembered crying like a mad woman, wiping my tears with the chilli red pahsmina in the middle of the airport and still in tears when JPJ stopped me for a roadblock right outside the airport but then let me leave unquestioned probobly because he saw how messed up I was.

Sangat memalukan.

And then I remembered seeing his empty cup in the sink and I broke down again and cried to sleep.

So when I wake up, I was relieved because I thought it was just another dream.

But when I stepped outside to the living room, I saw an empty cup on the coffee table. I left the cup there after finishing a cup of milo that he made for me last night. He offered to make me another one but I refused, not that I didn’t like his milo but because I was feeling.. wrong. Everything felt wrong last night.

How can eveything feel right when he will be leaving the day after?

I panicked when that thought surfaced, so I went to check the second room.

His clothes were gone. So were his bags.

It took me few seconds to realise it was not a dream.

He did leave.

Throughout the week, there were so many people asking me how I feel? I told them I feel ok and they wrinkled their forehead when they heard my answer.

Some even look at me in disbelieve.

He is leaving till next year and you are ok? Are you not afraid of his security knowing he is in some conflicted country?

To those people who judged, I say , fuck you.

Why do you ask such question at the first place when the answer is so obvious?

If only you know what’s going on inside my head. If only.

Right now, I only have one regret.

I forgot to ask for his forgiveness.

So yang, if you are reading this. I am sorry for all the things that I have done. Be safe, don’t break any security code/rules [whatever, I cannot remember].

I wait for you with fat jebon okies ?¹

Tagged as: alone, loneliness