I don’t know how I feel now.
It just quite difficult to describe but the feeling is more or less towards hollow + exhausted + hopeful and maybe a little bit of lonely.
I crave for attention but sometimes when I tend to shut them of when it was given to me. Right now, I wish I could talk to someone. No, talking is not the right word because all the words that might come out from my mouth may not seem right.
I wish someone could dive into my heart and feel everything. It’s like my heart is beating but the rhythm is disturbed by some other noises.
No, it’s not love that I am lacking of. At this point the love that was given to me is more than enough.
It is a relief when I came home crying in the middle of the night and to find someone waiting at the door to hug me. It is a relief when there is someone who kiss my forehead as I wet my pillow and tell me everything will be alright.
So it’s not love.
It’s something else.
I wish I know what it is.
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