On heart broken and humbling

A conversation on twitter [atau sesi gossip, mengeluarkan wap amarah dan sebagaianya] written by Zue reminded me of a conversation that I had with a friend earlier.

We were having lunch and talking about boys when a friend asked me a question

She: How did you meet your bedmate [ ok she did not say bedmate but I feel more comfortable with the word bedmate so I changed it]

Me: I met him after series of broken hearted, after I met lots of wrong people, some of them are assholes.

She: Really? That’s interesting.

Me: Yeah, those experience humbled me. Shame to say this but the old me would never consider him.

I know it’s mean thing to say but both my bedmate and me know it’s true. Maybe dulu aku rasa aku ni best sangat haha -> series rasa malu nak tulis sebab sekarang pon macam sama koff koff koffff [batuk cover rasa keji terhadap diri sendiri]

I am shallow. I am using ‘am’ coz I think I am still shallow, maybe the shallowness is getting less but it’s till there.

It is true what Zue said, some people Tuhan temukan kita sebagai pengajaran.

Memangla masa kene tu berbakul-bakul caci makian kan  and hatred tak payah cakapla. I am still working my way out to rinse them away.

But it was a humbling experience.

Perhaps I was looking at the wrong direction. Perhaps I should look beyond the look, the expensive cars, the cacak hair and everything.

And perhaps I should reflect on what i’ve done in my past.

It’s true that those experience turned me into a bitter person, but they also made me  more humane.

Because I knew how does it like to feel pain, played, betrayed and rejected, my heart became softer and my brain judge better.

I wanted to tell you how humble I had become but that is so keji. Apa jenis manusia  yang akan mengatakan dirinya humble? Mungkin perasan humble sahaja.

“Oh saya ini humble orangnya sebab itulah saya menderma kepada anak-anak yatim dan suka membantu orang dalam kesusahan,”sambil membetulkan jambul yang terkeluar dari selendang.

That is one keji example for me. Like WTFlah kau ini?

So there is no need to clarify on that, if you know , you knowlah.

Despite all that, I won’t say I am glad those horrible things happened to me.

In fact I hope it would never happen to anyone I care.

Tetibe aku mellowla pulakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Eeeeee.

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Tagged as: assholes, broken hearted, relationship