Although many think that I am a selfish person [which I agree], I have to say there many things that I sacrificed because I want to please those who I care.
They are many things that I want in life and I know I could get them all. Just that, I chose not to pursue them just because I do not want to neglect/shove/pressure/let down those revolved around me. It is stupid bearing all the responsibilities especially at the end of the day, what they see is just the bad side, what I fail to provide, the imperfection that I have.
It frustrates me.
Some people perceive me as a vocal person with acid tongue but I always reserve my thought to those who matter the most. Tak apalah kalau aku let go of certain things even itu memang benda yang aku nak sangat, tak pelah if you want to say I am irresponsible or anything related to it, lash out your anger. Because of you are who you are to me, I can swallow it. Most of the time, I would just keep it to myself.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, I have panic attack. My heart will scream “This is not the life that I want. I planned for something else! Get me out of here”
I don’t know if you happen to be in the same situation but that’s how I feel.
Someone dear once told me, I should stop acting selfish, instead I should start being a real self-centered person. This is my life after all and it’s not too late to get what I want, to be fully content. He also said, the more I keep it this way, the more unhappy I will become. I wish I could.. I wish I can just start packing and everything, but I love those people more rather than I love myself.
I don’t ask for much. I already succumbed to the fact that I will never be a billionaire daughter, never going to be crowned as Miss Universe, never going to beat Einstein’s theory, all that I ask for is.. see me as who I am, appreciate me.
I might have not done much, but I tried.
