I am sappy person, I feel like smacking myself sometimes. Sikit-sikit nak nagis. Cembeng betul.
When I finished my viva, I felt so free, so free that my body feel floating without any chain shackling my feet. It was not supposed to be that way, well at least I think so lah. Supposedly I feel happy and proud that I finally did achieve something for myself. I know it’s only a master tapi untuk orang malas dan agak loser macam aku itu sepatutnya bermaknalah kan.
I thought it doesn’t mean much, mungkin sebab niat itu sebenarnya. Ada orang sambung belajar sebab dia memang mahu belajar but me, I did it because I wanted to start something positive and yes partly because I wanted to study something that will allow me to write better [even the fact sampai hari ni entah hapa-hapa je aku tulis kan heh].
I learn a lot. I used to hate UITM, sorryla tapi aku memang tak suka ok dedulu tapi hey, now I can say that the experience adalah melebihi kesukaan aku bersukaria semasa di UM. UITM, my faculty precisely, lecturernya walaupon kuat politik [matilaaa hehe] but they are very sporting and supportive. And not to mention my classmate, sungguhla best. Aku sungguh tidak rasa out cast sekali.
The thing is, I didn’t really realised it until I wrote my acknowledgement for thesis. I didn’t really realised what the so-called-a-piece-of-paper means.
Thanking people is not as easy as I thought, takut tertinggal sesiapa yang penting. Aku tulislah sesiapa yang terlintas dekat kepala and I try to masukkan semua yang terlibat, that include you bunnies who helped me a lot by doing the questionnaires and gave me encouragement.
Tapi bila aku sampai part ni, tangan aku mengigil-gigil
Also, to my dad (Ros Kamal), my mum ( Zuraidah) and my bother (Mohd Rozairi) who always had faith in me even when I lost mine. And not to forget my loving and understanding husband, [name] who is always by my side giving me ideas and encouragement when I needed them.
Sebab aku ingat keadaan aku before ambik master. Huru hara dan entah apa-apa [not to say that I am doing fine now, tapi betterlah]. I don’t know where am I going at that point in my life but these people were there for me especially emak, who without jemu telling me, Tuhan jadikan aku di dunia ini dengan banyak tujuan, salah satu untuk membahagiakan dia[emak] dan yang lain-lainnya akan dapat aku saksikan nanti, jadi kata emak, jangan putus asa. I can do great things in life and like everyone else, my existence matter. Jadi hidup ini jangan disia-siakan.
Kalau pon aku tak do great things, kata emak, she will still loves me. Dia macam tahu-tahu je I can not do great things in life. Heh.
Apa yang berlaku itu semua ujian kata dia lagi ,to make me stronger. That time I asked her “How can they make me stronger when you can see I dah tak berdaya anymore”
She didn’t say much, she just hugged me and said “Emak kan ada!”
They said, emak selalu betul. Memang betul pon.
Mungkinlah to me, this master is just a piece of paper tapi bagi emak and ayah, sangat besar maknanya. Sebab I can see emak was so happy when I told her I passed my viva and she can’t stop smiling. Also finally, I did something that I like and finish it. And I hope that made them proud.
Kadang-kadang aku rasa malu dan nak hantuk kepala dekat pintu bila emak bercerita dekat kawan-kawan mak datin dia. “Anak I tu tengah ambik master, rajin betul dia buat kerja”. Malu sebab
- Alaaaaaaaaa tak payahla cakap macam tu emak, ramai gila orang ada master ni. Malu ok. Sheesh.
- Motifla emak aku nak jadi macam makcik makcik dalam drama ni?
- Rajin betul buat kerja? Heheh rajin betull sampai setiap hari update blog dan khatam macam-macam game.
Ayah kata, rehatla dulu. Rileks, makan angin atau apa-apa. Lagi beberapa bulan lagi sambunglah Phd. Honestly, I feel like…tak nakkkkkkkkkkk tak nakkkkkkkkkkk. Cukupp cukup. Otak dah bernanahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Tapi kan ayah, kalau nak sponsor sambung dekat oversea apa salahnya, sponsorlah bedmate saya sekali ye. Bolehla kita post entry pakai baju sejuk main salji dekat blog ni nanti. Haha jakun gila.
Nah. Sekejap lagi Ros Kamal bagi penerajang dari Honduras.
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