One sms that I received made me wrinkled my brows. The sender stated that she could not stop thinking about me and wanted to ask for forgiveness. That puzzled me. Because to me, she is a friend that had done nothing wrong to me and as far as I remember I always treasure her as a friend. The way she wrote the sms, she seemed to be so sorry and as if she had done something bad.
Weird. Ok maybe we had some arguments way back in secondary but I thought we already put it behind. So I asked her why would she want to apologise if she didn’t do anything?
And then she spilled the beans. She used to bad mouthed me to some people who knew me back in uni days, when they were in some course. Padahal she did not study in the same uni with us [me and the people].
I was like..wow!
Now, it was not uncommon for someone to badmouth me but I did not expect it from her. Setakat nak dengar orang cakap aku macam-macam tu macam dah lali hehe, but from her.. Why? Well, let just simplify that in my point of view, she is an example of a good muslimah yang aku kadang-kadang pon rasa malu bila aku bercakap dengan dia. I respect her and I still do until this very day.
The reason that she gave me was..well not to say unacceptable but I wish she could see myself in my own view rather than stand outside the circle and use the word ‘envy’. How can you envy someone when you don’t know what is actually going on in that person life? Takkanlah aku perlu nak compete tentang kesengsaraan hidup aku, my doubts dan my fear dengan semua orang?
When she confessed, I must admit that I was mad. My shoulders are heavy with judgment from people who barely knew me. I remember my first few days at my faculty, there were these two girls who badmouthed about me and give me the look when they don’t even know me but that’s oklah, I don’t give a fuck because maybe that’s what they do best in life, well maybe and more came after that. I mean, come on. Once in a while you can’t help but to talk about people but when it came from someone that you like and you consider as friend, surely you can’t help feeling marah.
Later when I sat quietly and munched some kuih raya, I don’t feel that mad anymore. I mean, at least she confessed and she apologised. Unlike some people who still befriended me and talk behind my back and worst never want to admit they do it.
Yup. That’s her. Dia tak pernah jadi pengecut dan berdolak-dalik atau lari dari masalah.
And come on, I am not a saint sampai there’s nothing to talk about me.
Maybe it’s just her, I mean the person I used to know that made me threw my rage across. Jarang jugak aku nak maafkan orang secepat ini tapi tak tahulah dengan dia ni aku memang macam nila kot. Sebab aku rasa aku tahu dia macamana. I can’t explain here sebab nak describe dia sangat tak cukup space but my friendship with her for almost 13 years dah cukup buat aku kenal siapa dia. You can tell when someone itu hati dia busuk, perangai cibai dan lanchau and you can tell whether someone itu has a nice heart cuma frusfurated with life and everything.
That’s ok. I am going to forget what happened. Forgive and forget.
Now that something that I really rarely do.
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