Have you heard a statement that sounds like this

“Jika kita shave, bulu-bulu itu akan tumbuh dengan lebih tebal, lebat dan rakus”.

I don’t think it’s a myth, I thinks it’s true. Ok, before I go any further, I have to warn you, this might be a gross entry especially tho those polite or so-called-ayu girl out there.

I can be categorised as the “bululess type” but they are still adela beberapa helai yang hendak juga menjengah dunia,. The part I amgoing to focus in this entry is the armpit area. I used to pluck them tapi aku eventually got lazy and shave them instead. Senanglah, bukan apa, naik juling biji mata nak pluck bulu ketiak sendiri yang hidup segan mati tak mahu.

As the result, mereka sudah pandai hidup berjiran dan bercucuk tanam :(. Dengan harmoni ok.

That’s my story. Yang of course ada unsur keji.

Ada cerita dari pihak lain.

Orang itu selalu pergi memotong rambut di barber seperti lelaki-lelaki lain. Dia berkata that barber will end the session with shaving-shaving lebihan rambut andddddddddd shave his face. Apa motif dia shave muka aku pon tak taula kan.

But, as the result, mukanya sudah tumbuh bulu-bulu halus. I mean it’s normal to have hair dekat tempat sepatutnya tetapi apakah artinya jika berbulu dipipi? Itu sudah seperti planet of the apes ok.

And then it hit me.

What will happen if I shave my tits. I mean take the shaver and shave bulu-bulu roma around it.

Mungkinkah semasa aku terkinja-kinja di dance floor dengan seekor tube di badan akan ada orang menjerit kerana terlihat kelibat bulu-bulu di dada ku?

Mungkin juga.

But, nothing is sure until proven isn’t it? Tsk.

Anybody willing to be a lab bunny?

Oh.Oh. speaking about tube, I have updated bootylishopblog. We have another event coming this weekend. Check the site okies?

After discovering what Cold Storage could offer, someone got gready and bought all these.

I suddenly sakit perut while doing the shopping and decided to go for berak. Aku balik-balik je, wahh dah siap ambik 4 [I wanted to ask, apasal tak ambik semua flavour as in perli tapi karanggg, bebetulla pulak ambik semua]. Tamak.

Makanan yang lepas-lepas pon tak habis lagi. Gelap mata betulla dia ni, patutla kurus, mesti banyak cacing, sebab suka makan tahaper-haper. Eeeeeeeeee bontot bercacing eeee.

Yet.

I love love love love the guacamole. Setapp ohhhhh.¹

Now I wonder, why can’t Pringles which is made here taste like them?

Macamanala tak mengetat seluar aku kan?

Adalah sedap memakan sambil meminum bundaberg dan menengok Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny tetapi potong when my most inticapated scene telah di omit. Motif nak cut banyak scene? Baik tak payah tayang ok kalau macam tu.

I want to see the devil boleh takkkkkkkkkkkkk²

I am bloody mengantuk. At this moment I am waiting for thunderbird to be upgraded which normally will only take few minutes tapi kalau dah connection macam dial up telefon awam the duration is wayyy mmore than ther normal minutes. Plus, I can’t sleep coz a tortoise shell creature is sleeping on my bed, on my side :(.

Which bring me to the topic, how do you keep yourself awake when you have to?

Dulu-dulu masa zaman STF, those girls like to stay up [I said those because I was not one of them, kalau boleh tido, aku nak tido je sampailah habis prep petang]. So they try to find a solution on how to stay awake supaya boleh study and score. Gile skema kan budak-budak ni kan. Eh tapi kadang-kadang I love to join the stay up-stay up thingy sebab kalau lapar bolehla masuk dapur dining hall atau ala, bestla lepak-lepak dengan kawan [macamla besok, lusa tak lepak padahal hari2 tengok muka orang yang sama].

One day, one of my dormamtes told me that she discovered something that could make people feel awake iaitu sejenis teh. Namanya ialah teh orang kampung, aku rasa dia dah buat eksperimen agaknya. Maka beramai-ramailah mereka minum teh itu termasuk aku. Semuanya segar dan bersemangat untuk study kecuali seorang yang tetappp juga tidur, well no point for guessing who. Which explained apsal result diorang semua single aggregate and orang itu belas-belas [motif malu nak ngaku?:P]. Then few years later, ada la seorang lagi manusia datang dekat aku dan berkata ” I found a solution or remedy untuk turunkan berat badan” and she showed me a packet of tea. Teh orang kampung.

Mana satu yang betul ni? Untuk tahan mengantuk ke untuk kurus?

Fret not, I came out with my own conclusion.

Teh orang kampung adalah untuk kedua-duanya. Apabila kita minum teh orang kampung, kita akan ceret ceret hence, the weight loss, dimana ia juga akan menyumbang untuk terus berjaga.Yelakan, macamana nak tido kalau asyik nak terkincit je. Barula nak pejam mata dah kene pegi toilet.

Make sense tak?

Tapi kenapa kedua-dua benda [iaitu stay awake dan ceret] did not happen to me is still a mystery. But nowwwwwwwwwwww, I have my own solution to stay awake when I need to which are:-

a) I bite my own hands.

b) I sing along the radio with window wind down - during driving.

The second one is a horrendous sight especially if you happen to stop beside me and hear my voice. Tsk.Tsk.

Tapi aku pernah denga cara yang lagi sadis, iaitu dengan mencabut bulu hidung. Gila sakit.

So, what’s your method?

Bad mood. Bad mood.

You are in a good mood or no mood to read a bad mood entry? This is not for you.

1. When you always ask me kenapa tak pernah ajak makan kat rumah and when I finally did, you did not turn up, did not sms or call and then you said “I tak confirm pon”. Bloody hell, kalau kau dah cakap nak datang but to you it’s not confirm, there is a terms that we call “update”. Kalau kau tak jadi datang updatela, smsla. That’s call courtesy. It’s not that I am mad no one finish the food because I did[ like usual] but I hate this type of perangai. Kau selalu kecoh nak suruh aku ajak datang makan but then when I finally did, dimana adalah susah untuk aku ajak orang datang rumah sebab aku malas + tak suka nak entertain orang, you did this.
2. Besides the sikap acuh tak acuh, I hate
   a) Unpunctuality - Semua nak lambat, lepas tu act as if it’s ok. It’s bloody not ok, I hate people who lambat.

   b) Sikap aku yang malas - Aku gila malas ok, padahal bende tu dah nak kene submit dah and I still can blog. Boleh tak sapa-sapa tolong cubit aku sikit?

   c) The fact that the person that you wish you could hate and ignore is blood related.

3. I use to be an ok person, who always tried her best to look at thing in many perspectives but somehow after few series of kecibaian aku telah menjadi seorang yang sangat angry dan bitter. I fucking detest almost everything. This is sick, I sometimes wish that I can get my old self back and I did try to get her back. But failed miserably.

   I am angry when I came across fugly people who think they are hot and make a big statement about it, like ” I am freaking hot and you are jealous coz you are not” [like hello, kau pernah ke dengar the real hot people like sasha bashir or daphne said that "I am hot?", jarang ok], Ko diam-diam je boleh tak, kalau kau hot satu Malaysia comfirm akan tau.Excuse me I know I am not supposed to get angry over things like this but somehow I did. I am angry when people fail to deliver their words and I am angry at myself for always being angry.

4. And when I am angry please don’t try to pujuk me with fucking stupid things like making cat sound as if I am going to melt or making small talk. If you don’t bloody know how to cool me, just leave me. I will be ok in a few hours.
5. I wish I am more rajin to bersenam tapi aku malas.I wish I have the power to say “Isteri kau adalah mandul” ataupon “Besok, kau akan mati pucuk” but I am no God. And I wish I can stop thinking about such thing.
6. I wish my friends and myself are not so into our so-called-new-life. This sucks. I barely knew anybody anymore.
7. I am mad with myself because woofie had to be put to sleep. That’s the last resort since no one not even SPCA wants to accept her, we can’t take care of her anymore because the old house is no more available [everybody there decided to move for real] and surely aku tak boleh bela dia dekat rumah aku . I hope God will forgive me and so will she.

Malam yang sejuk dan broadband yang kemak.

Dahla sejuk,kucing aku and orang yang tido dekat sebelah nakk jugak pasang air cond. Korang ni apa ni hah? Lemak beruang kutub ke apa tak paham-paham maksud sejuk?

Tengok sekarang aku dah selsema, lepas tu pandai pulak nak suruh aku makan ubat vitamin bagai. Eee.

Tapi di sini ada satu cerita rahsia berunsur takut. I have been hearing some noises for the past few days. Bunyi yang datang dari bawah katil aku. Ok, bawah katil aku memang sarat dengan barang-barang iaitu hadiah dari orang-orang yang baik hati semasa hari terpaksa pakai songket. Terima kasih ye siapa-siapa yang baik hati itu ¹. Tetapi, sejak dua menjak ini, aku selalu mendengar bunyi barang-barang itu bergerak, macam ditolak-tolak oleh sesuatu. I thought it was one of my kitties tapi penat aku terbongkok-bongkok takdela pula nampak misai kucing ke apa, lansung tak nampak apa-apa. Aku dah tolak kotak-kotak tu, takdela pulak apa-apa.

Yang babinya, its only happens when I am alone in this room. Macam satu malam tukan, aku tido sensorang tiba-tiba srett..srett.. ohhhhhh tak ke gampang tu?  Dahla pukul 3 pagi. And nak kata it came from somewhere else, can not be, aku sure dia dtg dari bawah katil.

I told orang yang paling berani dalam bilik ni about it and he wrinkled his face [mesti dia cakap "pompuan ni nak mengarut lagila ni]” and he said “Maybe it’s a rat?”

A rat? Wah dengan tenangnya berkata tikus. Adakah aku tidak takut dan berasa lega jika ada tikus di bawah katil aku? Tentunya tidak.

As a solution, he let titten in, dengan harapan titten akan memburu tikus itu, tapi dah namanya kucing aku, semua pemalas. Tau nak tido, makan and main lompat-lompat. No tikus caught.

As keji as this may sound, I do hope it’s tikus that created such noises. Sebab walaupun tikus merupakan makhluk keji yang sangat menakutkan aku tapi adaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lagi makhluk yang lebih menakutkan.

Tapi apala motif tikus nak duduk bawah katil aku when the room was sweeped and mopped every single day? And kenapala takde kesan gigitan di mana-mana?

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Aku cakap ahhh sebab baru aku sedar aku kene tido sorang malam ni. Nak tido dengan emak, emak pon takde.

That’s itlah, aku nak paksa MJ tido dengan aku malam ni, whether she likes it or not ².