So yesterday, the class was over, well not technically but I won’t be seeing their face anymore. Next semester is meant for seeing my supervisor’s face only. Big sigh.

And you know what? I am sad.

My classmates are amazing [except maybe for one ..err..or two [untuk tidak nampak obvious haha]]. On my first day entering the class I was thinking oh shit another isolation since that’s what I faced during my degree years. I hate my degree years. Fun times happened during sorok-sorok hisap rokok dekat parking or dekat cafe ataupon bila malam menjelma. I can’t really fit in with my classmates, tak tahu apsal maybe aku tak cukup intellect and tak matured lagi haha. Ataupon mungkin aku kera sumbang, hmm ada possibility. Dahla asyik nak kene nasehat keinsafan dengan Zaidi Razak, euww.

Mereka juga vain!

But heh, look at me now, did I feel sad when I left UM? Hell no. Ok, maybe I miss Pantai Hillpark carefree life but not UM as in FSKTM ok. I was looking forward for everything to end.

Yet, this time. Oh man oh man. Even though aku selalu mengeji UITM but I have to say there friends that I made there adalah mengatasi ketidaksukaan aku terhadap UITM. Even the lecturer were superb [I can't believe I say that]

Learning was never this fun. You disagree with the lecturer or your friends? Go ahead and say it, nobody is going to shoot you down. You feel like nak gelak macam perempaun gila sebab ada perempuan gila yang lain menggelupur masa presentation, silakanlah. You have some crazy idea that you want to share, you’ll be surprise hearing the feedback.

I mean, never in my life aku sedih bila kelas dah habis. Macam..apa ni? WTF?

Well, I started with an aim, to have a qualification in writing because I soooooooo want to do something related to writing [so siapa nak offer aku kerja? :P] but I realised, with no experience and no proper education, that will be hard. So I applied and got in.

But in return, not only I underwent a humble learning experience yet I too meet a bunch of wonderful, fun menggelupur people.

I mean, I talked about Gibran, Shahnon Ahmad and bengawan solo [love that piece, tranquility] while eating bihun sup yang pedas.Pernah ke aku buat macam tu dengan orang lain tanpa rasa poyo? Tak okkkk [Swirly tak kira, he's different]. Oh tidak lupa juga mengumpat dan bergossip-gossip artis.

Unlike some people I’ve met, these people are sure to stay on my list . Till we meet again ya!

There are lots of things that I find difficult to handle or to control.

Like memaki orang bila marah, gembira, sedih ataupon dalam apa jua mood, stuff my face although I am feeling full and lots more yang aku sendiri tak larat nak tulis.

But I think the greatest cabaran is menahan kentut when I’m done with my ablution or the greater of the greatest, masa dah start sembahyang.

I just cannot understand why, the moment aku dah habis basuh kaki mesti nak kentut. Oklah, fine. Aku kentut, kadang-kadang siap terus buang air besar sebab I want to let everything out.

But still, the cabaran goes on especially when I reached the final two rakaat. Gila kemut bontot ok, I know it’s makhruh tapi aku sakit hati. Kadang-kadang walaupun kemutan aku kuat, ianya terlepas jua, sedikit tapi dirasai [apa macam gampang ayat aku ni?] . Tak suka tau.

I think somehow my intestine had screw up, dah jadi macam perangai jantan-jantan yang aku selalu date. Suka mengentut sana sini. I have to do something to preserve my kelembutan [as if haha].

I mean, sure la I have no problem kentut di depan orang ynag share katil dengan aku tapi kalau tiba-tiba sewaktu berjalan-jalan ada mamat hemsem macamana?

I think she was his colleague. She was wearing a cropped chest white shirt, emphasising her boobs. She was fair and her hair was shoulder lenght, I could not see her face though.

I saw him walked towards her and talked. Out of sudden he fondled her breast. Her breast! Now, I am not the type of person who would go bonkers seeing him talking to another women or even eat out together. My self esteem is not that low but fondling other woman’s breast which is obviously bigger than mine drove me to the edge.

Me: What the fuck were you doing?
He: Oh, I thought you don’t mind. She is just a colleague of mine, she means nothing to me.

I don’t mind? I don’t miiiiiiiiiiiiiindddddddd? Apakah kau memegang tetek perempuan lain aku tidak akan kesahhhhh? Adakah aku akan sukaaaa?

Tell me perempuan mana yang tak marah?

I was so freaking mad, sangat marah ok sampai bila aku terjaga dan nampak dia tidur dekat sebelah, aku rasa macam nak bangun and sepak dia. Kalau boleh nak sepak sekuat hati.

It was a dream yes but I could still feel the rage.

When I told him about it he just sengih-sengih and said “Nanti I nak cariklah perempuan yang you cakap tu”

Tak kelakar ok, tak kelakar.

And today, I dream that I had HIV. Apa masalah mimpi aku ni? Tak boleh ke mimpi yang best-best?

The weather in hulu langat is so dry and hot. I am finishing up my work didalam kepeluhan ini, in the guest dining hall. Disini takde aircond ya, not in the guest dining room.

Habis bra aku basah ok.

And the people who rent the back room in my nenek house is making so much noise, I feel like going there and smack their face. Stop screaming bodoh to your anaklah you bodoh. Aku cakap takpe, aku belum ada anak lagi. Hehe

I am off for asar at the guest hall, under the coolest air cond I can ever set. Bestnye.

Just hope I don’t terkentut-kentut because that’s what my butt does best in cool atmosphere. I wonder why.

Fret not, I’ll spare the detail for later. Haha

Note: This is quite a long entry. Inilah akibat kalau aku emo. Hehe

Usually when we talked online she would be miserable but few weeks ago her condition was different. So I made a wild guess, that she met someone.

She did, it was her ex client who is now residing in east coast because he had to manage the father’s estate. They have been communicating over the phone and via sms for over a week. And then she told me, the guy asked her to come over to his place [east coast] to meet up.

I was like..what type of guy who would ask a girl to go all the way to the east coast for a first date? I have met selfish bastards before but this one is wayyy more mind boggling. If let say that would be their fifth or sixth date or he was her fiancé, it is quite acceptable [except if I am in her shoes, jangan harapla aku nak pegi, cukup-cukupla pengalaman dulu] but we are talking about the first date here and they had never met each other. True that he was her client once but she dealt with him over the phone not face to face.

To me, if the guy is sincere about the relationship or whatever you call it, he would and should be a gentleman to come to KL instead, to show his willingness. He used to study in KDU, so the assumption he would not be familiar with KL is not valid. So I told her. Don’t. Don’t take a ride to his place for their first date. Because, for safety measures, you should be familiar with the place and hello, he is the one yang beriya-iya nak berkenalan goddammit! So kenapa pula engkau yang nak kene pergi sana?

When I gave her my opinion, she wasn’t too happy but I must, because she is my friend and I do not want to see her get cheated again. Take note of the word again. She left in a hurry saying that she had a headache and left me with an uneasy feeling. Apasal aku rasa she would do something that she will regret later?

Although most of the time my instinct always mislead me but this time it was accurate. I was watching the boring nak mati AF last week when she smsed me asking something shocking which triggered my question

“Did you sleep with him?”

And she confirmed my worry.

She said, his assurance that he will pay [which he did] for everything made her made up her mind. So she went there, things happened and they slept together but she never heard from him after that. He never returned her phone calls nor her sms.

She said maybe she got some sial in her, bad luck and that he just want to play around.She felt that he treated her like sampah and now she feels so shitty.

Like duh!!

Obviously you can see his motive from the first time he asked you to go to his place instead of him coming to your place. I think she sort of see it coming but pretended not to see and hope that he would turn out to different unlike the others. How can you assume someone is different when you only know them for few weeks and never meet them? Isn’t it obvious yang dia nak mengote je? Tak kesahla kalau dia tak nak dekat kau pon sebab kau tak nak pergi and, at least kau tahu this type of guy kalau tak dapat pon tak rugi.

She also told me that she was hoping that they would have a happy ending

Who doesn’t want a happy ending? But in order to get what you want, you have to be in control. Like if you have a goal to achieve, take control. Dah kalau kau bagi je orang cucuk hidung kau, habis tu macamana kau nak dapat apa yang kau nak? Of coursela you will be in the losing point.

I told her, it’s not about sial or bad luck. It’s about making a wise decision about not being blinded by your own stupidity. Engkau bukannya belasan tahun lagilah, dah nak masuk 30 an dah, open your eyes. Bukannya tak pernah kenal dengan lelaki sebelum ni, bukannya engkau tak pernah berkawan sebelum ni. Kau tahu, tapi aku tak tahu apsal kau still jugak nak ikut hati kau. Kalau zaman hingus meleleh dulu bolehla berfikir guna rasa, guna hati tapi dah besar-besar ni, gunalah akal fikiran.

In this case, you cannot point your finger to the guy only, your willingness to made the step to go there sort of giving him a signal that you want it. Protect yourself lah wey, aku taula aku pun bukannya baik sangat, bijak sangat but this is so stupid ok. Apa kau ingat kau pegi sana , jumpa dia, dia akan ambik keputusan nak kawen dengan engkau ke?

I don’t mind having friends pouring their heart out to me but not to these type. Jenis yang aku dah berbuih cakap, bagi opinion,dengar cerita keluh kesah kau dulu, bagi solution, lepas tu kau janji will not be a stupid person lagi, lepas tu kau buat jugakkk. So you expect me to feel sorry for you again? And what do you expect me to say? The same old thing? Aku tak kuasa nak repeat benda sama and aku tau ka upon tak kuasa nak dengar. Aku nak jadi listener je pon, hati aku menggelegak tau tak?

And stop telling me “Aku nak kawen chics..”

Marriage is not a solution to your stupidity ok. Apa kau ingat kau kawen everything will be ok? Tiba-tiba kau jadi bijak? Kalau kau tak kawen kau takkan happy?

Kalau ada jodoh nanti Insyaalah ada tapi while waiting for that jodoh, wake up, stop being stupid, do something meaningful with your life. I believe the moment you take a step to do something positive and meaningful for yourself, good things and happiness will follow. Ini tak, semua bende kau tak nak, bagi banyak alasan, nak berada di takuk tu jugak. Jangan sampai aku datang sana goncang-goncang badan kau tu.

Macamanalah perempuan tak diambil kesempatan sebegini kalau lemah dan tak pandai melindungi diri sendiri?