Ha!

I watched footbal yesterday [Yes, I know that's so not me].No, am not going to eleborate more on the game.Fistly cuz I don’t know how to secondly coz the result was $%%$^%^&%.

Anyway how did I find watching football match?Menakutkan and tak sesuai untuk aku yang lemah lembut ni.I mean I was freaking glued to the tv for the whole night except after chelsea scored their first gol[it was not by them actually..tsk..tsk], aku dah start main-main tukar channel between bola, alicia key dengan cite just married.I can’t cope with the tension.Tsk..Tsk..Anyway, I found out something last night..that I’m not attacted to blonde guy.You see,mlm semalam despite all the tense I was drooled over some players with black hair.Like..real black.

I mean, be honestla..Do you girls relly watched football for the sake of loving the game?Or for the sake of loving the players?Me…I dun even know which one tapi aku suke kalau ade sesape yang start bertumbuk-tumbuk.Demm..Malam smalam takde plak.But yeah, maybe I can start watch football from now on sebab ade jugak pemain-pemain die yang hensem-hensem..Hohohohoh..Yes, I’m that shallow I know.

But last night while watching it with my bro

My Bro:Hah!Yang tengah nak buat throw in tu muka macam samsul kan?
Me:Mana?Manadelah.Bongokla die ni.
My bro:Adela, first time aie jumpa samsul dah terbayang muka mamat ni.
Me:Hoh!!!

Kenapalah..Kenapalah kau mesti bring out the subject.There’s a fine line between that guy and my ex.

Finnan can play and have balls, in the other hand my ex doesn’t.

Clear isn’t it?

Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for wiping up my tears.
Thank you for your kindness.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for the warm hugs.
Thank you for those sweet kisses.
Thank you for being mine.

I love you ahmad azwan!!

Mwah!

P.S:Yes, another pyscho entry

Sometimes we lie because we deny the truth.
And it’s hurt when the one that we lie to is ourself.
Pretend to be happy, pretend to be that living is so worthwhile
When the truth is i’m breaking inside.

I wish that something in life can be erase.
So the pain would go away.
I wish our memory is like a computer.
That can be formatted anytime.
But..there’s no eraser in life.

I have to be strong.
I have to be strong.
I have to be strong.

Please God, let me be strong.
Please remind me that is much more than heartbreaking
And this heartbreak would heal
So that I have the faith to live every day.

Please God.

A friend of mine brought to me see a live band last wednesday night as a belated birthday treat. Whoaa. I always love live band not to mention music. Some people like to laze in front of tv and watch football, some people like to read, some like gardening but I love to have fun. I love to dance even I’m a hideous dancer [ha!].

It dazes me how singers could sing their lungs out and perform remarkable dance steps. I swear if I have the voice the possibility for me to sing at clubs is there. Now you know why God didn’t sanctify me with a good voice. I can’t even sync to the rhythm. How bad is that? To think of it, if I voice out to my parents that I want to be a club singer, I bet they will freak out and my dad will surely have his heart attack long time ago. My mom would probably consider it coz yeah, my mom is cool ;). You know what, I think I’m more an artistic person [hahaha] compared to what I am majoring now. I used to dream to be an actress and when I told my mom about it she didn’t objects, it just that she don’t like the idea seeing my name in the headline, shagging somebody. Picture this ” Chics bercinta dengan kerabat diraja Monaco” Ha!!!

How many of you guys out there really follow your dream? During my final year in school, I made a pact with my best friend that we would be a lawyer one day but now, she is the only one who is still sticking to it [even sampai skang aku tak percaya dia lawyer,hehe].What happened? On filling the UPU form, my mom persuaded me to choose IT. You knowla that time every body is talking about IT. Even the-so-infamous Siti Nurhaliza is singing about it..”Sayang It..Cinta It”. It’s a good thing that I didn’t become a lawyer since I’m quite bad in controlling my temper, leave alone my acid tongue. And yeah, I did it because of my parents. Actually my dad wanted me to follow his track, to be an engineer tapi sebab aku bengap fizik dengan add maths so sah-sahla gagal.

I mean what is wrong when somebody talks to their parents they want to become a make-up artist [when he's a he], a club singer or even a musician? It would be OK if we live in LA but since we live in Malaysia, where we are bind with traditional esthetics we have to play by the rule. “Sayangnya kalau awak jadi pelakon, blaja pandai-pandai[ha, mak aku cakap aku pandai ok] tapi jadi pelakon”, that’s what my mom said which I think what she meant was “Pelakon? Apa aku nak cakap dengan nenek kau nanti?”, maybe your mom would say the same thing too. It’s true what she said but what about what I want? Are you sure you are happy with what you’re doing now even if you are a doctor, a programmer or even an accountant? I’m not happy and I’m not unhappy either .I’m just ok. Fine, I graduated and whether I like it or not I have to find a job so I can waste all the money I have.Hehehe. But when it comes to satisfaction, it’s not there. I mean I wake up every morning , do my job and come back with empty feeling. But it different when I write a blog, when I dance or when I do something what my heart desire. I wish I could do what I really yearn for a living so that I would feel contented but hey, life is not all about me, I can’t be selfish [see ag, I have moments when I'm not self-seeking]. Sometimes we have to sacrifice in order to make other people happy even it means sacrificing for what you really believe.

Tell you what, if I have a child [if la kan], I will let him decide what ever he wants to be as long as he have a proper education and as long as it’s not being a pimp, a drug dealer [tapi ni memang banyak duitla ok] or an assassin. I will still provide him with guidance but to decide what he wants to do for his life when he’s ready enough to think on his own, it’s up to him. Ok .I dun like this subject because it make me feel uneasy, so I’m going to end it now.

Think, what actually you feel like doing?
Did you follow your heart?

Note:Since aku banyak sangat masa free, so aku takde keje lain melainkan menulis.Excuse me for my long entry.Pls bear with me.Sape nak baca baca, tanak baca sudah.

Why issit when people are in love they become sightless and can’t seem to get a grip on reality? Have you ever been in a relationship where you know it’s not going to work out well coz it’s either you or the other parties having doubts or you both have some unsatisfied issues?? Tell me about it.

I have two friends who have been together for 7 year. Oh yeah, it’s along time I know. Then the guy went to work oversea and leaved the girlfriend behind since she’s till studying. Before he left I witnessed how this coupled quarreled almost everyday. She would shout over the phone and her shrieking voice will bring the house down every time they faced some arguments and the boyfriend would hit the girlfriend when he couldn’t cope with his anger. Both of them are my friend and they both confide in me. I know that the guy is seeing someone else and so do the girl. So when that guy went to oversea, he told me that he’ll be loyal for once and for all coz after he came back he’s definitely going to propose his girlfriend. Fine. But the girl can’t seem to let go of her entertainment [how can when she's pretty and guys are eating on the palm of her hand?]. Among them both, I’m closer to the girl but for somehow we grew apart. I seldom see her but we talked over the phone from time to time. And, she will only call me if she is having a conflict with the boyfriend, which I don’t mind at all. At the same time I will correspond with the boyfriend on YM since he’s far away. The funny thing is he told me to keep it as a secret coz if the girlfriend knew he’ll be a dead meat. I mean, she forbid him to talk to any females alive, even her own close friend. Interesting? Well, now the boyfriend discovered that his girlfriend is falling for another guy but still, he can’t seemed to let go coz he claimed he loved her. So I asked him.

Me: You love her. Are you sure you still love her?
The boyfriend: Why are you doubting my feeling towards her?
Me: Hmm..Coz I don’t think the love is there anymore. You guys fought almost everyday and you guys called each other bad names and sometimes you both wish you could strangle each other to death.
The boyfriend: Hmm.
Me: Maybe you stay just for the sake of that sodding 7 years.
The boyfriend :Shit.I hate you chics. You’re the first person who said that to me but the saddest thing is..It’s true. I dun think the flame is there anymore but if I leave her I’ll feel guilty.You know for the things that we did..

Then he came back here for a short holiday. He told me he’s going to break off with the girlfriend since the girlfriend is less than happy to care that the boyfriend is coming back. But did they break off? Of course not. He gave him presents, she begged him and they have sex and things are back to normal. And now I’m waiting for them both to call me and cry saying how their partner mistreated them.Hoh!!Bodoh!!

I too was a fool once and yeah, it’s not easy to withdraw. It’s so difficult when he’s the only one you see and he’s the only one you have. But why put hope anymore? Why do you want to make believe that things will become better when what you feel inside you is shit, shit and super duper shit? Don’t do it anymore for the sake of he’s the only one you have even when he hit you, call you a whore, being too clingy or even you know that he’s shagging someone else behind your back.

I know it’s not easy. It’s easier to leave the exam hall earlier even when you know you have to pass that paper compared to leaving someone you love [or used to love]. But it’s no use hanging on empty hope. Before more time is wasted and more heartache why not learn to let it go. Open up your eyes, you heart and let it go.

Put your fear aside. You’ll be lot happier and who knows, you’ll even meet someone better in the future.

You’ll never know.