Today..31st Dec is my brother’s b’day.

happy birthday to you..

happy birthday to you..

happy birthday to aie..

happy birthday to uuu!!muackks(he will smack me if this really happens to him)

Finally 2003 had come to it’s end.Tomorrow 2004 awaits perhaps with new hope and new joy?

I wish..

So many things happen during 2003..Friends come and go but the biggest thing is..losing a guy who i’ve been attached with for 6 years..When i look back i didn’t know how i finally lost my grip and let go.6 years are quite long period..but i never regret..never..because he and the relationship it self tought me lots of things in life..how to love,to share,to tolerate..and how to face the world.Even though we couldn’t make all our dreams together come true but i still wish him all the best..may he find the right gurl for him..may he be happy and all the best things that could happen in this world.

Ehe,i promise my beau not to write about this anymore but hunny,kasik canla..this is the end of the year..after this there will be no more heart aching story..should open a new book.

and 2003 also had see me beaing back to my old self again..i started partying and get whatever-a-party-girl-shoul-do after abandoning it for quite long time..and i must say..i still enjoy it..but huhu..that’s not a positive side..i should not be doing that..and yes, perhaps i might forget about my party life next year..

2003..Iraq was under attack..millions of people died..innocent people..Saddam hussien was captured..truly sad..Many might be happy on hearing it but i and other minority side wept..Perhaps..during 2004,civilized people will fully and truly understand the meaning of civilization and not just saying they did.

Malaysia gain new PM..Tun Dr.Mahathir eventually let go of his tittle..quite sad for me also.I do admire him(i know some don’t).He had done good job for this country.I hope the new PM will do the same.And i without doubt feel that he will

2004..i’ll be graduating next year..what will happen to me..will i manage to find a job?will i manage to keep my guy?(just kidding hunny,hehe)..will still be a bimbo in people eyes?ahh..to complicated to think..all i can say is..

let see..shall we?

+goodbye my friend

it’s not the end+

and it is holiday..the best bit is i didn’t knew that i am having my semester break..no wonder there are less people at the uni.Ah..when will i start to care about my life?humm..

i had a long convesation last night about life and love..how it should to be..and it hurt me the most to realize that i have been hurting the person who tried to value me in his life.And yes..he is a softie..hehe..

There will be a rave party for New Year..and the question is..should i go or should i not?My heart say..Gooo..go..goooo..but my mind say err..u will have to sleep the whole day the day after that..it will be tiring..A rave party..thinking of it make me excited already..will be full of people loosing control and colouful lights..ahhhhh..my last rave party was back 2 years ago..tgkla mcmana nanti..

talking about new year..made few new years resolution..should be fulfill slowly not once in a time..

# stop consuming whatever is bad for my body

#less partying..less wasted

#care about my love ones..not my ex love one

#be a good muslim

#take life more seriously

and these are the things that i should keep

#love my life

#have respect for people

hmm..if there any new things i’ll add it up to the list..

warning:this entry might contain psycho element..i meant to write this for someone who i wish would understand

“U are an extremist”

well i guess i am..perhaps i am rebellious..ah..i think that’s the most suitable word to describe me.

Urm..For some X-files reason i never fail to throw my tantrum whenever my bf want to head back to his own shelter..i want him all for my self..ok..ok..my fault..i am selfish..and greedy..God will pay me back..i know but i can’t help it..I told him..i came in package..

chics’ package(package A++)

1.Tame..(though he said i am the jinak-jinak merpati one).

2.crybaby

3.self centered.

4.caring

5.selfish

6.childish

7.loving

or maybe u could choose chics’ package B

1.hostile

2.vile

3.bad mouth biatch

4.whatever

5.party animal

6.er..flirtious??

and he said..i shouldn’t come by package..Hello..that’s me..remember??

He said i should change..should i?Would i be happy if i change??maybe it’s more like..he would be happy if i change..it’s for the sake of our relationship he might say..ahahahah..BITE ME!

i want to watch a movie with my friend..a guy friend..is there any problem with that?Watching a movie means watch a movie and not snogging..so i dun see any reason why he should be mad at me..and i feel like watching a movie now and it happen that he is suppose to be working now..so go to work and i go and watch a movie with my friend..is that a problem..

and by saying that “i dun want to see u today” means i want to have my own time chill out so i dun be that selfish biatch and let u have ur own time..it doesn’t mean that i hate u or i dun love u..i just want to have my own time..

I am an extremist..a rebellious..i am stubborn..i am a psychopath..ia biatch..a pain in the ass..despite all that..WHY R U STILL IN LOVE WITH ME?

+Love me..love me..said that u love me

Fool me..fool me..come on and fool me..+

Merry X’mas to all my friends who celebrate christmas..I went back yesterday since it was a holiday..got nuthing to do beside cooking and sleeping with mum..Dad was not home..mom siad he went to work..ehe..what the hell was he doing working on every public holiday?erm..whatever..

i was so damned bored..and so i called my ex since i missed him so much but then i regret it.I missed him lately and i just can’t get him out of my head.Even when my bf is around i still keep thinking about him.Somehow my bf knew that he failed to get a grip at my heart and i know he was upset.So i called my ex hoping it can cured my thought to him but instead we when around and around at old things..things that can make me mad..And it make me realize that I AM MISSING A PERSON WHO IS NOT THERE..not even close..i missed the old raja muazam shah who i used to fall in love with..the one with respect to people and full of love..not hatred and big ego like a man he is now..Maybe when u reach a certain point in your life,when u have a good job, a good pay and gain people respect it will change u.that’s what happen to him.Money and power changed him completely.It hurted me a lot..i admit i still love him and missed him but hearing he say such undiscerning words about me and my life..couldn’t stop my tears from flowing down.I should listen to my bf at the first place..I should not call him anymore or even think about him..and maybe still keeping in touch with him as a good friend is a very bad idea after all..I should perish him like i buried my other exes even i love him the most..

I know it is quite impossible but hey, a girl gotto do what a girl gotto do.My happiness does not only lie in being with him..he is not the only person who loves me as i do but i also have a loving boyfriend now and sadly..i didn’t return his love back as the way he did to me..I mistreated him just because some guy who i used to adore.

MY ex..u might be happy to hear that i cried yesterday..

u might be happy thinking that u hurted me back..

nevermind to that..

maybe i desrved to be treated that way..

but next time..please dun call me anymore

coz it only make me bleed more..

“Give me a whisper

And give me a sign

Give me a kiss before you

tell me goodbye

Don’t you take it so hard now

And please don’t take it so bad

I’ll still be thinkin’ of you

And the times we had…baby

And don’t you cry tonight

Don’t you cry tonight

Don’t you cry tonight

There’s a heaven above you baby

And don’t you cry tonight”

Today..i feel refreshed..i won’t lie saying that id din’t even think a bit about my ex..but whenever my mind start to flicker around him..i will quickly divert it over..to something else..

maybe that’s the way..

+One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

For the very last time+

Had an uncomfy sleep last night..it was full of tossing and turning around untill i had to get up and sit..I wonder what happen to me.Usually i would never get up ..atleast not untill it is noon.I think something is wrong with my room..or wassit my bed?Coz my roomate is having no problem sleeping..It didn’t only happen last night but the night before and the night before that..hmm..I feel like everytime i try to get my peaceful sleep,someone will shake my body that force me to open my eyes..Please dun do that again..I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP..

More test to go today and as usual i am unprepared..ok..half prepared since i spent half of my senibina class reading and memorizing all things that could be absorb by my brain.I hope my brain do react like a sponge even though i can feel that my head is getting heavier..

Should be going back to Hillpark..still got something to be read and done..ehem..I promised yamyam that i would do better this sem and i will certainly prove it..so..up up and away..