Angkat angkut

Somebody my age want to make my emak as her emak angkat. They were quite close, going to kelas agama together and such.

To be honest, I don’t like her because she has her own mother, why would she want to ambik my emak as emak angkat. She, infact call her emak but not in front of me of course.

I mean, that is my mom, stop bermanja and menggedik with her, that’s for me to do and not yours. Golah bermanja with your own mother.

The things is, I never really get the idea of this whole ‘angkat’ thing. Abang angkat, adik angkat, emak angkat or whatsoever. What the hell do these terms mean anyway?

When I was younger, I had a guy who asked me whether he can be my abang angkat and both of us kind of like each other [it was a short fling]. I cringed the moment he said it. I like you and you like me so why the hell shoud we pretend that we sort of treat each other like siblings? Not that the ‘angkat’ stuff is sibling pun [which again, what the hell does this 'angkat' thing means?]

The only thing that I understand about the ‘angkat’ term is when we refer to anak angkat. The child become your family, like literally family. Dan takde pulak kau ambik other people’s kid and claim as your anak angkat – I am talking about the official anak angkat here not where some so-called-successful-guy become some anak angkat to datin or something like that.

 

Sheesh, this whole thing is confusing me.

But what I wanted to say, I don’t like anyone taking away my family members to make as their angkat thingy and I certainly not want to be di angkat-angkat either [ not that anyone want a foul mouth girl[?] to di angkat anyway].

I may lost my dad but I don’t want any other dad, either real or angkat because to me, he is the one and only.

Ok, don’t know what’s the connection but somehow I wanted to type that.

 

Before you said anything, yes I am a selfish person who doesn’t like to share. Heh

{ 2 shake-shake }

The dementors are here

I am in need for some quiet time, alone.

Back in Setia Alam, I do enjoy my time of listening to nothing while lying on my bed, thinking and doing nothing. It was full of nothingness but somehow it provided much calm.

When I am done doing nothing, my mind could function properly, to make my body to do something – go out, exercise [really?], bake, cook or whatever it is, even only for a while.

 

Now I just can’t seem to be doing anything whole heartedly because that calmness is not there.

I feel that my days are dull, forced and I really feel like I want to scream or stab something/someone. Well, I do have those kind of sensation back then but I was allowed to scream – no one would ask me why or what happened.

I also need my mourning moment where I ignore and would not talk to any human and isolate myself. Yes it may sound morbid but that’s what I do. I will be ok once the mood go away but just give me time.

I did went all quiet and drift around like a ghost but my mother got worried. After she got worried, she went all quiet [silent treatment] because she thought I am mad or just unhappy with her, which I am not. And I did explained to her but I guess I am such a weird person that my gesture and the way I think don’t make any sense. I mean who the hell need to mourn over their husband’s departure to some foreign land as if it has never happened before?

But

I. just. need. to. mourn

 

So I had to put a stop on my mourning period and force myself to be normal.

 

Except, I feel like stabbing myself every time I am about to sleep. Perhaps if I can get the basilisk’s fang 1 then my problem will be solved.

I just stab myself with it and all the evil will die.

 

I am sad to leave, very sad but I am looking forward to find my quiet times

Else, my sanity might falter.

 

  1. Potter fan will know

{ 0 shake-shake }